Franktuary is on You Tube. Did you know?

Also, people read the Post-Gazette. Thanks to that great review from Munch, we’re coming off our best week ever. We wouldn’t be here without you, Pittsburgh, and we know it. Here’s to many more weeks like the one just passed!

In other news, the writer of this blog, currently away from Franktuary everyday, works as a cashier in a grocery store in New Jersey. His first customer yesterday declared, as she was checking out, her voyage to the supermarket to be an “emergency trip.” Will someone please explain how an emergency grocery run partially consists of purchasing 48 cans of cherry Pepsi??????????????????????????????????? I’ll tell you, the world we live in…

Here’s a new one. The public restroom down the hall now has a padlock, attached to a metal clamp, on its soap dispenser. Why? Because someone was taking the soap out of the dispenser, cutting off the soap packet’s rubber nipple, and putting the soap in his own container. The metal clamp even had to be strategically placed so that it rests across the clear window in the soap dispenser. That’s because if it doesn’t cover that window, the window is broken and the soap is extracted. Just when you think you’ve seen it all…

Come meet the newest member of the Franktuary team! You can’t miss him, and he’d love to say hello. Squawkers Macaw, what a guy.

So. Enough about me. The other day after closing time some gentlemen walked into my building. As they tried to go upstairs I intercepted them. “This building closes at 5,” I said, “and you can’t smoke in here.”

One man turned to me and replied that he was willing to leave, but that he didn’t appreciate my accusation that he was smoking. As he said this he waved a lit cigarette in his hand.

As I pointed to the incendiary clutched between his right index and middle fingers a look of shock came across his face. Before I could say anything else he ran out the door.

Today I am wearing a black t-shirt. In large white block letters and even larger white block numbers it reads “MAY 17.” Appropriate, yes?

Today I have also received 5 phone calls from Puerto Rico, where I know no one. I did not answer my phone for any of them. That’s because a few months ago I received multiple phone calls from Puerto Rico as well.

Each time I answered then, an increasingly angry man would demand to speak with “Mike.” I would say “No Mike,” which, translated into Spanish is “No Mike.” I would hang up and he would call me back.

This time around I wasn’t about to play the same game. Fortunately I have no voice mails.

Okay kids, remember, whatever you do, stay out of law school and stay away from drugs.

Well, it’s good to be whole again here at Franktuary. Of course, it’s snowing so things haven’t been nearly as busy as earlier in the week when we were halved.

Anyway, a woman just walked by my store, indoors, with a large shopping cart. How disjointed. That’s neither here nor there, but I kid you not.

So how ’bout those Penguins, staying in Pittsburgh. Woohoo!

And finally, you should know that my “rotten apple” is back in the shop. Updates to this blog may be sporadic over the next few days. Kidding aside, the guy at the Apple Store was great last night. I’m getting a new CD drive with 10 days to spare on my warranty. I’m pretty excited about that. In the world of customer service it’s the individual you deal with directly that makes more of a difference than the actual company he works for.

As you may know, Franktuary was recently voted as serving Pittsburgh’s best hot dog in a city wide poll conducted by AOL City Guide.

I’ll tell you who else knows. A man named Taylor Johnson. He called the other day to congratulate Franktuary on its win. After taking way too long to get to his point he announced that on behalf of AOL he would like to present me with a returnable “lucite crystal” 5″ x 9″ award for only $179.

At that point I asked him if he worked for AOL CItyguide. He told me he worked “within the spotlight,” whatever that means. We’ve had a few chats since then.

Seems to me that if someone wants to present someone else with an “award” for an “achievement” that someone would want that someone else not to foot the bill.

Yesterday someone tried to steal soda from my fountain. I caught this person in the act. Her response was that she was blind and thought she was getting water. She wasn’t blind. She wasn’t nice. She sure was high, though. She’s not allowed to be here anymore.

It’s funny how indignant people can be when they’re caught doing something they know they shouldn’t. Oh well. That’s all the time I’ve got today.

This one time at a Rebirth Brass Band show I saw a man named Derrick “Khabuki” Shezbie smoke while playing his trumpet. It’s a rare day indeed that I’m an advocate of smoking, but in this particular case… spectacular!

Earlier in the day the band had done an impromptu mini second line right through Times Square… spectacular! In between those spectacular moments certain members of the band got lost on their way to the venue they were to play at that night in lower Manhattan. I ran into them wandering the streets and helped them find where they were going. They invited me into the musician’s lounge before the show began. I was stunned.

You have to understand that at the time I was about 18 years old and an avid trombone player myself. These men were larger than life to me. I didn’t quite know what was going on other than that I was in the same room as them, I couldn’t speak, and they were offering me beer… in hindsight, spectacular!

It’s official guys. Due to an ongoing legal dispute with a restaurant in Miami, FL, Hot D***a is changing its name to Franktuary. The change will be completed over the next few months. Once this entire ordeal is behind us, I hope to make regular updates to this blog once again. In the immediate future, please be advised that our website will be changing addresses to franktuary.com. When you visit this domain address you will be redirected there. Thanks for sticking with us!

Now for something truly interesting.

A customer of ours who has been homeless for over 25 years has just moved into his own place! He has nor has ever had any sort of substance abuse problem and is thrilled to be off the streets. The social worker who has been helping him credits his time spent in our store with being a key piece to his successful socialization. It’s just a really cool story. So, if you visit Hot D***a and wonder where the guy with the white beard who always used to sit in the corner is, know that he’s doing very well. In fact, I paid him a visit last night.