You know, I’ve been thinking. In my three years of owning a business I have never had the experience of recalling a product. With all the recalls I read about I feel left out. I’m thinking about recalling all t-shirts sold between March 8th and May 15th of 2007, just “because.”

There’s a place in Squirrel Hill that recalls all the gluten from its products before it ever sells them. In other words, it’s a bakery that is entirely gluten free. What’s more incredible is that this bakery, Gluuteny, also boasts products that are 100% casein free. What’s still more impressive is the fact that somehow, even without these traditional ingredients, this bakery is better than any other bakery I’ve visited in Pittsburgh. Perhaps not as amazing but no less important is the staff at Gluuteny, who are collectively courteous, friendly, and generous.

Of course, I’ve recently discovered that my body has a problem with gluten. Ergo it’s possible I’m not being entirely impartial. To that I echo the recent statement of one George Mitchell, “Judge me by my work.” That is to say, visit this website, then head out to Murray Avenue and buy a brownie. You will not be disappointed.

What do you call someone who keeps a gluten free diet half of the time?

Glufive free, of course!

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all night.

If you were at a laundromat and you noticed a washing machine that was also a slot machine, would you be excited about paying to do laundry??? More on this brilliant thought tomorrow.

It is better to have one’s brain churning than one’s stomach. That’s all I’ve got. That’s because my stomach is churning, and my brain is most definitely not. Working on that…

Well, so much for more regular, folks. I’ll continue to update as I can. The Roethlisfurter has returned!

Another week is behind us, folks. Wheeeweeee! I’m sorry I’m not updating this everyday. Consider this my summer vacation. Come September, things will hopefully be more regular. If you know me well you appreciate the double meaning of that statement.

In other news, look for our next monthly newsletter soon. The theme will be fame. If you’re not on our mailing list and want to be, you have a problem, don’t you? Here’s how to fix it. Write to emailus@franktuary.com, and give us your address.

Today I learned that my cat has an autoimmune disorder that causes her cornea to be inflamed. Now she has to have a topical steroid applied twice a day, with remission of her symptoms as the goal. About a month ago I learned that I have an autoimmune disorder that is causing my cornea to be inflamed. For months I have been using a topical steroid multiple times a day, with remission of my symptoms as the goal.

If this doesn’t convince you that pets and their owners share similar traits I don’t know what will!

I’m not sure this is appropriate to share with the world, but I’m throwing caution to the wind.

I have an injury of a personal nature. No sense beating around the bush.

For about the past two years I have had a sore left groin. It comes and goes. Occasionally I get up from a seat and nearly fall over because my leg isn’t being supported in the aforementioned personal region. Then, after a few steps, I’m good to go.

The pain has come back with a vengeance of late, which causes me to think somehow it is exacerbated by warm weather. Yesterday it was raining and, as I attempted to run to my vehicle, I was dismayed to discover that the best I could muster was a “funky gallop.”

Why am I sharing this problem with you, in this space? Simply because I know not what else to do.

I originally strained the area in 2005. I seemed to recover within weeks. However, the problem mysteriously resurfaced in the spring of 2006 and has decided to linger. I have no idea what triggers this aggravation. At times I play games like hockey or ultimate frisbee, but I have done no such thing in over 6 months. Given that, I can only assume standing a lot is partially responsible for my dilemma.

I can’t very well serve frankfurters in a prone position, now, can I? Nosiree.

So, reader, I seek advice from you. Help me help you receive food more quickly. After all, your input could lead directly to the rejuvenation of my nether region.

If one must have a certain medical procedure that forces one to remain seated in a very special place for most of 24 hours it is a good idea to have said procedure performed in the immediate wake of the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows.

Here’s a thought. Is it possible to climb a large tree and then build a tree house, using only content from the tree itself, without ever getting out of the tree? Let’s say you can take one tool, a saw perhaps, into the tree with you.

For those of you wondering, the redness in my eye is gone. However, I’m told there are many cells still in my eye. I have to increase the frequency of my eye drops and go back to the doctor on Friday. Hopefully I’ll have good news to report then.

This morning I visited the doctor, which is not something I’ve had to do much of in my life. That reality is not something I take for granted.

The current reality, however, is that something is wrong with my eyes. The current reality is also that I’ve used the word “something” in four straight sentences. Isn’t that something?

Anyway, there is swelling in both of my corneas, but the only reason I’m aware that a problem exists is because my right eye has been very red for the better part of a week. There is no infection and no abrasion so the doctors aren’t so sure what’s happening, or at least they’re not telling me. The good news is I can see just fine, and I don’t feel uncomfortable. Nonetheless, I have to put a prescription eye drop in my eye every hour I’m awake through Monday morning, when I see the doctor again. There are three possibilities.

1) My eyes clear up and I’m good to go.
2) My eyes don’t clear up (or only temporarily clear up) and the swelling and redness is indicative of a more serious problem.
3) My eye is fine and I’ve always had abnormally large corneas and my right eye has misguided chameleon like qualities.
Strange and exciting, eh?

The best news for now is that my ability to serve frankfurters is in no way impaired, and I’m medically cleared to continue to do so. Here’s to that remaining true!