With our CORO fellows departed, I’m afraid you blog readers are stuck with me.  While they’ve been busy writing I had the opportunity to visit the Tim Burton exhibit at MOMA in NYC.  If you’re passing through the area, it’s worth the trip.  While viewing Burton’s art I had the realization that my name is Tim and I have a jacket made by the winter apparel company Burton.  Therefore, it’s almost as if I have an exhibit at MOMA.  Never fear, this brush with celebrity will NOT go to my head.

So, recently all of us at Franktuary have had the opportunity to see a film called FRESH.  It’s really something every one of you should watch.  It’s amazing what happens when things in nature eat what they’re designed to eat, and we’re no exception.  In fact, since we’re at the top of the food chain, it’s of particular importance.  Whether plant or animal, everything that we eat (and everything its consumed) needs to have itself been properly fed if we have any chance of eating as we should.  And since we provide the nourishment for virtually everything we eat before it becomes food, it’s safe to say we reap what we sow.  It’s a heavy topic.  I invite you to give a film like FRESH a chance, do some research, and draw your own conclusion!

Also, you still have a few days to vote for us in Pittsburgh Magazine’s Best Restaurants Poll.  Help us become “Best Downtown Lunch Spot” three years in a row!  Stop reading and vote!  Really, why are you still here?

Finally, as a hockey fan, I am endorsing Jamie Langenbrunner and Chris Drury as a Presidential ticket.  Sounds crazy, until you check out my sound logic:

Langenbrunner-Drury 2012! These men know about successfully skating on thin ice while routinely crossing red lines and blue lines for the sake of a common goal. Proven ability to come from opposing camps and work together as one.  Solid foreign relations experience, forward-minded yet strong on defense, and proven leadership skills, too. Plus, with Tortorella in the cabinet there is guaranteed Torts Reform.  Sounds like a big improvement to me!  GO USA (at least the contingent in Vancouver)!

I was just rereading some of the earlier posts from this blog. There are some good stories buried in those pages. Ah, memories.

Here’s another good story, never to have appeared in this space before. It’s a story of hope, triumph, and the power of community, but, no, it isn’t sappy.

It was the summer of 1994. The New York Rangers were the Stanley Cup Champions and I was a middle school student in suburban New Jersey. My older sister, 18 at the time, took me into New York City to see the Cup first-hand.

After getting lost on the subway, we made it to our destination. Being the hockey-geek that I am I spent the entire day on inline skates. I should add that these skates were of the bargain basement variety. They were the kind of skates “mom” buys when your feet are still growing. They were the kind of skates whose designers included wheels but didn’t see much reason for said wheels to spin freely. I also carried a plastic street hockey stick with me the entire day.

As we waited for a train to return to New Jersey, I decided it would be a good idea to keep my skates on for the entire ride home. Shortly after stepping on the train I realized that stability was an issue. Just after that, a young man, perhaps three years older me, approached me and took my hockey stick from my hands. He said he would return it, but as he made his way down the subway car, stick-handling a piece of crumpled paper, it became clear he had other intentions.

At that point in my life there was nothing I liked more than hockey. Though it could be easily replaced, I was distraught to see my stick slipping away. I was also immobilized by a combination of fear and bad bearings. That’s when my sister sprung into action.

She took it upon herself to impede my adversary. Noticing that she was possibly overmatched a group of strangers approximately her age took it upon themselves to join the cause. Not long after that my stick was back in my hands and the passengers on my subway car had formed a wall of humanity that forcibly separated my attacker from me. As I exited the train a middle-aged Asian woman literally restrained the kid who tried to steal my stick. My memory isn’t perfect but I’m pretty sure she stood in a martial arts pose.

Years later I saw a Spiderman movie with a scene reminiscent to the one I’ve just described. I don’t recall exactly what happens in that movie, but I do remember New Yorkers uniting to the call of “You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.” How true.

So, how does this relate to you?

Well, for one, if those people on the subway hadn’t acted when I needed them Franktuary might not exist today. Furthermore, I’d like to believe this sort of thing happens in Pittsburgh all the time. Certainly it’s a goal we can work toward no matter where we call home!

The next time you have a New Yorker, I hope this story comes to mind. On September 11, it seems appropriate to salute the people of New York in this space.

You know what? Should the Penguins win tomorrow night Franktuary will still be closed on Saturday. That means no Stanley Cup celebration at Franktuary (at least until Monday)!

Sooooo, we celebrate Game 7 instead. Tomorrow only, customers wearing Penguins apparel will receive a free Detroit frank with the purchase of a Pittsburgh. It’s time to eat Detroit for lunch!

It’s now or never for those Flying Penguinis. Seriously, I have a set of juggling balls dubbed as “Flying Penguinis.”

Maybe that’s the problem, most penguins spend more time swimming than flying while those boys from Detroit have wings, literally. There is such a thing as underwater ice hockey, you know. That’s something at which penguins should excel. If they lose tonight, maybe Crosby and co should have a crack at it. If they win, check back soon for a special Game 7 offer from Franktuary!

Well, folks, there’s a reason they’re not named the Pengloses. Maybe their arena should be re-nicknamed the “Igwin.” Okay, I’ll stop now.

All day today the Pittsburgh is half-off at Franktuary. You can thank #87 and company for that!

Here’s hoping we see a rematch of the 1992 Stanley Cup Finals, but hopefully we can avoid this:

And so it comes down to game seven. Your Pittsburgh Penguins against the Washington Capitals, with the winner advancing to the NHL’s Eastern Conference Finals. Can Marc-Andre Fleury best Simeon Varlamov? Is Sidney Crosby plus Evgeni Malkin greater than Alexander Ovechkin plus Mike Green divided by Donald Brashear?? I have no idea, but should the Ice Chickens triumph Franktuary extends the following offer:

Mention this blog entry the day after victory and receive one Pittsburgh frank for half of its regular price. After all, should fortune shine upon the Steel City, the Pens will be half-way to Lord Stanley’s Cup.

Earlier in the afternoon the following memo was mailed to one Mr. Bill Peduto.

“Dear Mr. Peduto:

We at Franktuary are dismayed to hear that the plan to have skyscraper-size posters of Marc-Andre Fleury and Sidney Crosby adorn the outer-walls of Fifth Avenue Place has been ‘pooh-poohed‘ because of political ‘drama.‘ We are confident that you feel similarly.

Therefore, we present through you, a chance for the City Council and, most importantly, Mayor Luke, to experience redemption. After all, if not redemption, what is a Franktuary for? Without further adieu, I give you the plan.

It’s as simple as skyscraper-size posters of Franktuary co-founders Tim and Megan. Picture them this summer in the lofty place that Sidney and Marc-Andre should have been granted during the Stanley Cup Finals. July is National Hot Dog Month, you know. To avoid legal problems with the current billboard freeze, City Council can pronounce a temporary Hot Dog Holiday.

Instead of the Penguins logo, another recognizable Pittsburgh logo -that of Franktuary- will be prominently displayed on the Megan and Tim posters. The Reebok logo will be replaced by that of Boar’s Head Delicatessen. The phrase ‘Your Move.’ will give way to ‘Bun Nation Under God.’

We look forward to hearing from you soon as well as seeing ourselves in larger than life format in the very near future.

Respectfully your concerned citizen,
Tim Tobitsch for Franktuary
emailus@franktuary.com

PS: It is our understanding that you will not be running for mayor in the next election. We are sad, but we also understand. If you would like us to run as your “mayoral-puppets,” we would consider it.”

Word in the Post-Gazette is that Mayor Luke and the city council find themselves in a spat over whether giant 40 foot by 85 foot posters of Sidney Crosby and Marc-Andre Fleury should be hung on the skyscraper walls of Fifth Avenue Place during the Stanley Cup Finals. These posters would have a Reebok logo and slogan on them. Interestingly enough, both parties are in favor of seeing the posters go up. Ironically, because of the scuffle no posters will be going up. Ahhh, there’s nothing quite like the aroma of Pittsburgh politics in the air on a cool spring day!

Also, Mayor Luke is disappointed that he might not be able to take an all-expense paid trip to Detroit to see the Penguins play on the road. The poor guy has been able to go to games for free all season but, because of the ticket value of a finals game, he’d be breaking ethics rules by accepting a free pass to watch the Penguins right now. When the going gets “tough,” apparently our mayor voices his grievances in the newspaper. After all, with a $98,000 salary he certainly can’t afford to go to a game and support the city he governs on his own.

So, back to those posters. I’ve got an alternative plan. Why not giant 40 by 85 foot posters of Tim and Megan with the Franktuary logo and the phrase “Bun nation under God”? Luke, city council, this is your second chance.

Welcome to October, readers. It’s the month where hockey begins and Mets fans cry.

At any rate, here’s a thought for you. Perhaps we should consider naming our children after the supplements and prescription medications we take. After all, without such things we might not be healthy enough to have children at all.

In my case, were I to have a son in the near future he would be named Saccharomyces Boulardii. You could just call him “Sac.”

Big debate tonight, folks. 11 democratic presidential hopefuls go head to head on national television tonight at 7 pm. Who says there’s nothing good on TV!???!

Of course, once again, I jest. It’s not so much the concept of a televised political debate that irks me, but the fact that there are 11 candidate going at it at once. It’s ridiculous. How will anyone get a chance to say anything meaningful? I don’t believe they will.

Maybe if the debate goes well, the next time I watch a hockey game I’ll get to see six teams playing at once rather than two because the National Hockey League will adopt a similarly briliant format.

Joking aside, I am curious to see how an 11 person debate works.