Here’s something I don’t approve of one bit; social security, the program responsible for most of my tax burden.  75 years into practice it is clearly more madoffian than useful.  Just today I got a newsletter from my buddies at the Social Security Administration!  In the top left corner of my mailing, there’s a cute little logo claiming that the SSA “Benefits America!”

“Will Social Security still be around when I retire?,” the missive proceeds to boldly query. In a convoluted response to its own question the update reads,“Yes… The Social Security Board of Trustees now estimates that based on current law, in 2037, the Trust Funds will be depleted… Even if modifications to the program are not made, there would still be enough funds in 2037 from taxes paid by workers to pay about $760 for every $1,000 in benefits scheduled.”

Only organizations with way too much power can get away with saying such ridiculous things and continue to exist.

Allow me to paraphrase, “By investing in social security you can expect to see less of a return than if you put that same principal in a basic savings account.  Not that you have a choice.  By the time you want to retire, there is a good chance we will have lost at least some of your money.  Above all, it is important that everyone in a given age group lose equally (except for that generation’s religious leaders, who can opt out completely if they so choose)!  In general, we assume you are not capable of intelligent financial planning.  We are more than your government, we are your fiduciary!  Cheers, your fair and fiscally responsible federal facilitators!”

Clearly, if I wrote a newsletter on behalf of Franktuary with a statement akin to the one the SSA has just sent me I wouldn’t have a business for very long.  “Pay for a full frankfurter today and maybe we’ll give you about three-quarters of a future frankfurter 27 years from now!  If you have any hope of eventually seeing more than three-fourths of a frank, you’ll have to pay us further installments in increasingly large amounts, as dictated by us, in the near future.  Franktuary ‘benefits’ America!”

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a choice about participating in such a poorly structured program?  You have a choice of where to eat lunch.  There’s a lot of bad food out there, but at least nobody makes you eat it.  Furthermore, if you want to eat bad food you can.  This is a good thing.  There are a lot of bad investments out there, but you’re only forced to participate in one.  I will never understand why a specific bad investment being forced upon an entire nation’s workforce is looked at as a positive by so many individuals.

Have you heard about Luke Ravenstahl’s proposed tuition tax? I may not have all the details exactly right, but the basic gist is this. College students in Pittsburgh will pay a 1% tax to the city on their tuition bill. This is an interesting concept in that students most definitely make use of city services without directly funding them. With this in mind I can respect the mayor’s idea. Nonetheless, while I applaud Mr. Ravenstahl’s creative thinking, I do not believe this will prove to be an effective solution to the city’s budget woes.

After all, college students often consider their home to be nowhere near where they attend school. Colleges compete with other institutions across the country for new students. No one has to go to school in Pittsburgh. If I’m an incoming freshman trying to decide between two comparable institutions I’m going to choose the one that isn’t located in a city that taxes my tuition. If I already attend a Pittsburgh school I probably won’t transfer, but I’ll resent what the city has done to me. It won’t help me want to stay here after my academic career.

Let’s face it, in today’s world colleges are businesses as much as they are places for educating. Pittsburgh’s places of higher learning are some of the city’s strongest assets. Why compromise them?

Certainly, if I begin to collect a one percent tax on all purchases made at Franktuary while other dining alternatives charge no such fee, you, the customer, will be less inclined to choose my place for lunch. It’s as simple as that.

Like it or not, sales tax exists in a closed system. If you live in Pittsburgh, or any number of other cities, you cannot reasonably choose a restaurant where you won’t have to pay it. On the other hand, if you’re a high school senior deciding where to go to school you often have options.

Personally, I’m a fan of options. They hinder powerful forces from doing whatever they please to an otherwise hapless individual. I’d like to believe it’s not inevitable that one day schools in every city across the nation will charge a tuition tax. Now that the idea is out there, it may only be a matter of time.

And once again, tax season is upon us. Actually tax “season” seems more like an infinite loop than a season to me. Only eight forms due this month! There has got to be a better way.

Hot dogs don’t mix well with politics. It’s a fact.

Taxes are in the mail and we are feeling well today! If you’ve visited Franktuary recently, you may have noticed the lack of air conditioning. While not a permanent change (we hope), it’s worth mentioning because the AC broke as a result of the cleaning of the outside of the building we are housed in.

Trinity Cathedral is undergoing a complete face lift in that the building is being restored to its original 1870 sandstone color. This week the crew begins work on the side of the building where Franktuary’s entrance is located. Despite this fact our doors remain open! So come on down, there’s nothing quite like a side of construction to go with your frank.

Guess what? Sales tax is due tomorrow!

Sales tax is not a bad concept. As far as taxes go, it’s one of my favorites.

Nonetheless, every month I collect money for the government and hand it over, free of charge. Literally, on days when I make a payment, I spend part of my work day as what amounts to a government volunteer. If I pay late I get to pay extra fees. That’s okay with me, really, it is.

It’s just that if the situation were reversed, do you really believe the picture would be symmetrical?

I don’t, not for one moment.

After all, if an individual is owed money after filing his taxes, does he receive a check from the government with interest included? Certainly not! You can bet that if you make a late tax payment you’ll be paying interest to Uncle Sam. Ergo, I’m certain that if for some reason Uncle Sam decided to collect money on my behalf he’d demand to take a cut.

Do unto others…

And we’re back after a slightly extended pause. Today’s entry, in three stanzas, is dedicated to numbers.

1) Why is it that when I type the phrase “Feb 07″ into a specific worksheet in Microsoft Excel and then strike the enter key that very same cell reads “39,120″? This really happens. I don’t understand. The cell in question is not linked to anything else.

2) According to the inscription on the 16th Street Bridge, it was built in MDCCCCXXIII.

3) (Word Problem – Interdisciplinary): If Tim leaves his house on his bike at 8:19 am and Megan starts walking to the bus stop at 7:36 am, which proprietor will have the coffee ready for John by 8:31am? How much will John be charged for said caffeinated beverage? Please include State and Local Sales Tax in your answer.

Wouldn’t it be nice if IBC took over the IRS and everyone who filed a tax return received a free root beer or cream soda??

So, how ’bout this April weather, folks? A blog written about the weather is a boring blog indeed. Normally. This, however, is a notable exception.

Some speculate that the weather remains wintry into late April simply because we had a mild season that lasted into January. In other words,winter arrived late and is making up for lost time. My personal theory, however, is that as tax season passes so too shall this weather. The heavens weep as the bureaucrats revel.

If you have any idea what this subject means, you might understand why my hatred for our tax system grows stronger everyday. It’s maddening, really.

I don’t know what else to say, so I won’t. See you soon!

We’ve had some real characters in here this week. That’s all I’m going to say about that!

Now I’m working on filing some taxes. I’ve got to do the 1065 so I can do the K-1 which leads to Schedule M and the W-3 transmittal. In doing so I get to fill in fields such as “gross farming or fishing income,” as well as “Post-1986 Depreciation Adjustment.” I’d like to meet the person who invented this system. I’ll bet he’s a real character.