Someday, when I write my book, The Vegetarian Epidemic, it will include a chapter entitled “Margarine of Error.”

Despite the working title, I have no “beef” with vegetarians (in their presence I prefer tofu). In fact, I think I understand where they’re coming from quite well. How can this be? Well, you’ll just have to read the book and find out. It will be positively groundbreaking. Look for it in stores sometime next decade.

In the meantime, read this (over and over and over again).

Hiya folks. Things are busy, busy, busy right now. Here’s a thought to chew on for the time being. Stop by tomorrow and I’ll provide you with something far superior to chew on… a frankfurter!

Oh yes, the thought. Why is it that of all the events I’ve ever catered the only one where veggie dogs have been anywhere near as popular as frankfurters was for a group of people who call themselves “The League of Pissed Off Voters”? Could it be that vegetarians are naturally angry and aggressive???

I jest, of course. Vegetarians are swell. Not only do I like many of them, I also like what they eat. It’s just that I also really really enjoy what they won’t eat.

There are many vegetarians who have earned my deep respect (outside the culinary realm).

Ha ha. Enough joshing around. If I didn’t like meat so much I’d probably be a vegetarian myself. Honestly, the concept is a noble one. If you can do it and it actually makes you feel healthier, more power to you.

Please, though, if I ever become a vegetarian stop me if I become, well, pissed off.

I have a dream, that one day kielbasas and veggie dogs can sit blissfully next to one another on the same grill…

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, we will be closed this Monday, January 15. See you Tuesday!

Sure was a fast weekend. I must have blinked for an exceptionally long time, because I don’t quite understand how it’s already Monday.

Now, I’m not a big advocate of coffee. Not so much my thing. When it comes to food and beverage intake, caffeine is my achilles heel, so to speak. Nonetheless, I have been known to enjoy a cup of joe every now and then. Especially at a good coffee house.

What does that have to do with anything, you ask? Well, I met some seemingly cool people who live on the North Side over the weekend. They appear to have an uncanny amount in common with me. They’re vegetarians, they’re originally from Michigan, they love coffee… hmmm, wrong list. They’re in their mid-twenties, they’ve opened their own business, they want to directly benefit their neighborhood… that’s better.

Anyway, I’m going over to check out their place this evening. The address is 1501 Buena Vista Street. Do it yourself sometime, and read more about them right now!

It’s been a slow one today and that has afforded me with time to look at a crossword puzzle. It took me a while to figure out the answer to the clue “bath spots,” which turned out to be “tub.” All I could think about was how there’s not much point in taking a bath if one comes out of it with spots.

As promised, I will now tell you about “The Hypocrite.” It’s a veggie dog covered in chili sauce. It’s designed to serve as a bridge to recovery for my vegetarian friends. It costs 25 cents less than our regular veggie dog. Why? Because I’m here to help.

Since the weather has been a lot like summer this past week, I think I’ll tell you about my friends in the band, like summer. They’re very good. See them at Club Cafe this Friday, June 9th, at 7 pm.

About that cheesesteak competition. Turns out the rules have changed since I last entered the contest. Now there’s a $10 entry fee. I don’t know about that… sounds sketchy.

This weekend I, the single-guy owner of a hot dog shop, took a road trip with two married women, one female vegetarian, and one female vegan. I’m not sure what more I can say.

Last night I was getting ready to play a hockey game, when a customer of mine walked into my locker room. It was pretty strange. Turns out he’s in the same league as me. Before I knew him only as “two veggie dogs with cheese, Dr. Pepper- no ice.” Now I know him as my opponent. He’s a nice guy. Since I’m a goalie maybe I should tell him that if he scores a hat trick against me he can have free veggie dogs for a week!

I just got a side job handing out free newspapers before Pirates game. It sort of found me. I start tonight. Hopefully it goes well!

I saw Crash last night. After winning an Academy Award it’s returned to theatres, which is great, because I missed it the first time around. It was really good, even if it does use my favorite comedic actor, Brendan Fraser, in an entirely serious role. The picture of humanity it creates is rather incredible.

It’s the kind of movie that everyone should watch in high school health or english class. Kind of like everyone should see “Stand and Deliver” in a math class sometime. Most movies you watch in school aren’t very good. Nonetheless, if you’re like me, you’re glad to be watching a movie in class because it’s far better than what typically goes on in a classroom. If nothing else, you can doze off more in peace than when the lights are on. Every once in a while, though, I’d get to watch a movie in school that was really good. Such a film was always a delightful break for the tedium of the 180 day grind. Teachers, add Crash to your list.

I recently discovered that another rather new acquaintance of mine is a vegetarian. It’s a full-fledged epidemic I tell you;). 88.

Moments ago I touched down in Newark. As my flight landed I could see wonderful buildings from my window. The very same wonderful buildings that I’ll be in the midst of on Sunday afternoon.

Airports have a funny way of putting things in perspective for me. More on my flight later…

The reason I’m not in Pittsburgh right now is because I’m spending the weekend with my extended family as we celebrate my grandmother’s 80th birthday.

As I think about 80 years old, I think about how much I want to do before I come anywhere close to that age. I want to finish what I’ve started in Pittsburgh before moving on to New Orleans, Toronto, and San Diego. I very much want to live in each of those cities for at least a year or so.

Then, around age 40, I want to return to New York, start a family and either purchase Madison Square Garden or train to become a veterinarian. After all, I don’t think I could possibly purchase Madison Square Garden AND become a veterinarian. Then again, one should never sell oneself short. On that note, I’d like to visit all 7 continents by the time I’m 60.

So much to do! The clock is ticking, eh? I wonder if I’ll get to everything.

There’s a show on NBC called “The Office.” Last night my cousin Brenda (a vegetarian) played “Brenda” on the episode “Booze Cruise.” She’s very talented. She wrote a play called “Matt & Ben” a couple of years ago. I don’t think she acts in it any longer, but I highly recommend that you look into seeing it. It’s hysterical.

I don’t know if I’ve ever shared this with you, but I have BIG legs. I mean they’re really large. I can’t wear loose-fitting jeans unless the waist size is about ten inches too big, because “relaxed fit” jeans on me might as well be spandex.

Growing up, I loved watching Mike Richter, the great New York Rangers goaltender. I happen to know that he has big legs too. Every year I would read the Rangers Media Guide and note that Mr. Richter stood 5′ 11″ and weighed 185 lbs. I aspired to one day be his height and weight. The odds were against me since my dad stands only 5′ 6″ and my mom is a petite 5′ 2″. In fact, no one in my immediate family has ever topped 5′ 8″. Yet today I stand exactly 5′ 11″ and weigh 185 lbs.

If only I had been smart enough to aspire to have Mike Richter’s talent, instead of his body-type. Perhaps Mike Richter and my cousin Brenda (they’ve never met) should take a road trip together and visit Hot D***a. We could talk about life on television and what it’s like to have big legs. Brenda, however, wouldn’t talk about having big legs. She’d eat a veggie dog. 6.