Well, if you’re a faithful blog reader, this may be your lucky week.

Because the only way you can be aware of this opportunity is if you read the very words in this space before Friday.

Come to Franktuary and tell our cashier, “July is National Hot Dog Month and I’m no weenie,” to receive 50 cents off a Locavore. No paraphrasing allowed. Be sure to properly enunciate as indicated by the bold and italicized words in the sentence that triggers your discount.

Franktuary Mobile
Friday, 16 July
12 to 1:30 pm

Organic locally farmed grass-fed beef Frankfurter – small – $3.50
Organic locally farmed grass-fed beef Frankfurter – large – $5.50
Organic locally farmed grass-fed beef Sliders – 2 for $5.50

Carrot Dog – marinated grilled carrot! – $3
Veggie Dog – $3.50

French Fries – $3
Fried Dill Pickle Chips – $3

Sodas, Bottled Water – $2

We prefer cash but can take credit cards via Square and our iPad!

If you don’t see the truck, check out our Twitter feed – we’ll be live updating! www.twitter.com/franktuary

www.franktuary.com

Since 2007, Franktuary has been without a soda fountain.  Those of you who go far enough back may remember the one that used to call our counter home.  What I’m sure none of you remember is the time its water line exploded overnight causing the entire kitchen to flood.  We used a giant squeegee to move water to our drain which, brilliantly, was installed at the high point of our floor.  But that has nothing to do with why we gave our fountain the axe.

It had to go because all of the soda options it offered came with a healthy dose of high fructose corn syrup.  Today we’re proud to say that not a single beverage in the store –soft drink or otherwise– contains HFCS.

Of course, we like fountains of the kind the Post-Gazette references every bit as much as the next frankfurter emporium in the back of a historic gothic cathedral.  Don’t for a moment think that Franktuary doesn’t appreciate a good public display of artistically flowing recirculated water.  In fact, we know the perfect place for Pittsburgh’s next great fountain.  Right across the street from us, where that half-demolished dusty, debris-filled malodorous eyesore of an abandoned building currently sits.  Yes, that would be a welcome change.

Well, how about the next best thing?  Instead of changing jobs, contact Franktuary about visiting your place of employment with its new truck.  We’re actively looking for good spots to serve lunch (or dinner) to hungry people.  If you’ve got guaranteed parking, that’s a definite plus.

Don’t hesitate to contact us with your ideas.  412.288.0322.

Don’t take my word for it, though.  Read the thoughts of conservative columnist David Frum.

Then consider that treehugger.com seconds his opinion.  If those two sources are in agreement, then shouldn’t you hear them out?

Furthermore, the Canadian Press has found it worthwhile to interview Pittsburgh business owners about the disaster that was the G-20 Summit in western Pennsylvania.

Well, friends, Franktuary is not yet finished with its G-20 experience.  The bitter lemons forced upon us by the heavy hand of international government have yet to be made into lemonade.  But, oh, how those lemons are ripening.  Plans are in the works to appropriately observe the one year anniversary of Pittsburgh’s G20 debacle.  And after reading these articles, we might just be able to round up some international partners.  More on this topic when the time is right.

And if pirates and indians don’t do it for you there’s another good reason to visit the North Side this weekend.  Specifically, there’s a good reason to visit the Mattress Factory on Sunday afternoon.  There may be a certain food truck involved between 12 pm and 5 pm.

*Please note: The role of the Lost Boys, who never grow up, will also be played by your Pittsburgh Pirates.

Why not Humongous Osprey?  What about Enormous Pelican?  Or how about Massive Dodo?  Then again, they could have settled on Substantial Tufted Titmouse, Abundant Sparrow, Gargantuan Blue Jay or Behemoth Hummingbird.

Any of those names would make as much sense as Giant Eagle.  Of course, there’s, Piggly Wiggly and Food Lion in the industry, too.  But a Piggly Wiggly sells some pork products.  And a Food Lion most definitely sells food. Last time I checked there were neither giants nor eagles to be found in an aisle or end cap of our local grocer.  Not even in a Market District.

Maybe Franktuary should consider renaming itself to something equally unfettered by the confines of coherent language.  Something like Authoritarian Hippopotomus. If we did that would you still dine with us??